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interraciallife.com article

Time for Commitment? Interraciallife.com Article

Post date: 2007-03-07

Before you make the ultimate commitment, it's important to ask each other these ten commitment questions.

1. Where do you want to live?

Commitment to engagement and marriage is great, but where will you live after the cake is cut? You'll need to compromise, particularly if one of you envisions an apartment in the city while the other foresees a white picket fence and labrador retriever.

2. How will you merge your finances?

If you're planning to be together then your finances will come together too. Will you open up joint accounts or still maintain separate bank accounts? You'll also need to start thinking about a budget together, particularly your ability to save.

3. How do you feel about religion and spirituality?

If you're an interfaith couple, this is particularly important.

Even if you're of the same faith, you'll want to discuss your religious beliefs, particularly how you'll spend the holidays and the customs you plan to follow in your new family together.

4. Do you plan to have children?

You don't need to know exactly how many kids you'll have and their names. Still, you should at a minimum know if each of you wants to have children in the future.

5. What role will extended family play in your relationship?

Maybe one of you likes to talk to your mom every day. Maybe one of you prefers to visit family, but only 2-3 times per year. You'll want to compromise on the role your parents and extended family will play in your future together. This can be particularly sensitive around the holidays as you decide where to celebrate.

6. How do you feel about work/life balance?

If one of you likes to work 80 hours per week and the other prefers 30 hours with free time for hobbies, you may run into conflict. Be sure to discuss the role work will play in your lives together.

7. How will you maintain your friendships?

You'll want to discuss the close friends and acquaintances you each have in your life. There's nothing wrong with maintaining friendships as long as it's not at the expense of allowing your romance to grow.

8. How do you feel about health and nutrition?

Will you be a couple that works out three times per week? Do you plan to eat Lucky Charms or whole grain toast? You'll want to know where each other stands on exercise and eating habits.

9. What's your take on intimacy?

If one of you is interested in sexual activity three times per week and the other prefers three times per month, you may be in for a rocky time in bed. Be honest with each other about your sexual needs.

10. What kind of wedding do you want?

If part of your ultimate commitment is to walk down the aisle together, be sure to discuss the kind of wedding you each envision. Is it a small affair on the beach at sunset or a big, blowout party with 300 guests at a traditional wedding hall?