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interraciallife.com article |
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How to be a Partner, Not a Sex Buddy
Post date: 2007-07-01
You have found the guy that you dream about. A few drinks, a few laughs, a few caresses, a few kisses. One thing would lead to another and all the while you thought you and him are together forever.
Then you realize the next morning he leaves without even hugging you. He may still open his communication with you, and may claim that he still cares for you, but you notice that he is extremely cold towards you.
You got hit with a bitter reality: you fell for a guy who does not commit. Meanwhile, you have become a mere sex buddy to him.
Guys like him release emotion at their own pace and no other. Pouring your heart out will only be seen as a sign of commitment, which is their biggest fear. Hopeless romantics like yourself who often think about the future often fall victim to their charms. The sex buddy has no concept of the past or future; what's important is the present.
His frame of mind believes that anything beyond hanging out—like getting close, sharing non-sexual activities together—would only destroy relationships. After all, what you have been doing together seems okay, so why would you have to mess it up by bringing all that commitment stuff into the picture?
Although it is best to find another guy who is just as committal as you, you may want to take a chance and test if he would do anything to gain your affection. Try to do the art of reciprocation (or in other words, playing hard-to-get). It is most effective for sex buddies who like to be in control of the emotional board. It may be difficult at first because you have to hold back your biggest asset—your emotions. However, the rewards can be great.
Ask your sister of a female friend to teach you a few techniques, since they've been doing this a lot of times with men. If he gives you little emotion, give him an equal amount of emotion as well. If he pulls back, pull back as well. If one day he wants to meet you, tell him you are busy and try to check his reaction if he'll make an effort to try and see you. Keep some distance, but not as far as he would to you, until you have trained him to give a little more. To these guys, your emotional words mean little, but your actions matter. You may even subtly mention that your relationship is not one-sided. If he wants some, then he has to give some.
Some gay men are hesitant to put their partners on the same pedestal emotional as they do sexually. Try giving him a taste of his own medicine if you want to snag him. If everything else fails, don't just drop him off. Sit him down and let him know that you need more emotionally. You are probably destined to find a guy who is willing wear his heart on the sleeve, just like you do.
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