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Date Issues

Post date: 2007-07-25

Q: I'm 46 & the man I went out with is 52. I feel I made a huge mistake that i can't take back. We took a day off from work/different depts. We talked for a long time. I feel we enjoyed the day together. The conversations were very nice. We went back to his home, he fixed lunch, which was very nice. In our conversation on the phone, he had mentioned giving me a massage. After lunch, he gave me a massage. It was nice. Nothing sexual involved. It didn't feel dirty or nasty or even like he was coming on to me. He wasn't rubbing me in way that made me feel uncomfortable. I feel I made a huge mistake when I took off my shirt/bra but was covered. He did leave the room while I undressed. He rubbed my back, my pant were still on. Afterward he asked if I wanted the whole body massage, I said yes. I removed my pants, again he left the room. He massaged the front of me (no clothes except for my panties/thong. Nothing at all happen. This was on a Friday, I called him Sat., morning to let him know that I enjoyed the day with him, the lunch & the massage. But so far, he hasn't called & I haven't bothered to call him. I feel I made a huge mistake my accepting the massage but most of all removing my clothes & we really had just met other than talking on the phone and interacting because of the different departments we work in. He was a gentleman when giving the massage. I just feel I didn't leave him with a good first impression of me. We didn't kiss, hold hands or even try to make a move sexually. I've always heard that if a guy doesn't call you back after the first date, you can forget it. I just feel bad about accepting his invitation for a massage, I should have declined & said maybe some other time. My mistake. I felt it was harmless. But evidently, I messed. This was such a STUPID decision I made. I'm not a slut or whore. Just made a terrible mistake. This man didn't even try anything. And I just felt so comfortable with him. When we talked about the massage, he said it wouldn't be sexual and it wasn't. I can't keep beating myself up over this. I feel bad that he hasn't called. I know what that means. And I don't think I should call him again either. I think I should jus leave things alone.

A: Do not feel bad about it. You probably got mixed signals towards each other. He probably waited for you to make the move while you waited for him to be sexual on you. But then again, since he didn't return your call don't bother calling him again. If he does call several weeks after your first date, it's best to be distant but polite to him. The purpose of a first date is to not only see if there is a mutual attraction, but also to learn more about the other person and see how your date communicates his intentions non-verbally. Take time to get to know your prospect and let the relationship develop.

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